Yesterday morning after church, I was walking through the crowded foyer and noticed a woman I'd never seen before, standing off by herself. She appeared completely exasperated and frustrated, and suddenly burst into silent tears. I looked around, assuming someone else must have seen her (you know how busy a foyer can be right after services) and would take care of her. Surely this wasn't MY place to help her, right? But no one else seemed to notice.
I thought maybe I'd just imagined it, maybe she wasn't really crying. So I snuck a peek at her: she was clearly wiping tears from her eyes. I just stood there frozen in the crowded room, averting my eyes, pretending to be very occupied with the bulletin I'd just picked up. Until she walked out of my sight, out the door, and wasn't my problem anymore.
Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
James 4:17 NIV
In the course of maybe twenty seconds, I denied Love and sold myself to Fear. I knew I should have offered to help her. I KNEW the right thing to do, and I didn't do it. I allowed the fear of saying the wrong thing to a stranger keep me from doing what I knew in my heart was absolutely right - sharing God's love.
"Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."
Matthew 25:44-45 NIV
I've often read that verse and always assumed I would do the right thing when called to do something "for the least of these." Yesterday I learned how ridiculous it is to trust my own heart when I so easily denied Christ by deeming a clearly distraught woman not worth helping. Jesus sacrificed everything for ME, and I couldn't simply swallow my fear of a potentially awkward social situation and just trust Him enough to serve one of His children. Wow.
Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
Matthew 6:1 NIV
But the worst of it wasn't the fact that I didn't help her. No, the worst was the realization that I knew I would have jumped to help if this woman and I had been alone in the foyer. No wait - the worst is knowing that I would have helped her under those conditions and I would have actually thought I was a loving person while doing it.
Yes, if she and I had been alone I would have helped her - but not out of love, like I've deceived myself to believe. My actions when no one was watching has revealed the truth of my potential motives: I would have helped only because if I didn't, it would have been obvious to her that I wasn't helping her. But since there was a crowd, I could hide and she would never know what I didn't do. What does this say about my heart? It says: I have conditions on when and where I can love. I only serve out of obligation. I do good deeds to be seen.
I've deceived myself into thinking I truly love my neighbor - but this isn't love. It isn't even close. It's complete selfishness.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:23 NIV
Theoretically, I've always known my heart is full of sin - but it still shocked me to where my stomach literally hurt when I saw it plainly laid out there so terribly repulsive like that. It's devastating to see who I am without God's love, yet I'm filled with peace to realize what power of Salvation His grace really offers when I see the devastation He's saving me from. It's humiliating yet awesome to know that this is who Jesus sacrificed Himself for: this ugly, selfish heart.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
Lamentations 3:22-24 KJV
I am so ashamed of my actions, but the truth behind them is something I definitely needed to be slapped in the face with. It reminds me of that basic truth I've heard since I was a baby but my thick adult skull still has trouble allowing in: I absolutely need Jesus. He is absolutely the only One who can cover my sin and save me from my own deceitfulness. I'm not just nothing without Him, I am horrible without Him. His love, unlike the "love" I default to, isn't conditional. It's everlasting. He renews his mercies every morning, and will keep revealing to me how to live the Truth of His Love. Praise God that the tears of an anonymous woman (who I hope was eventually comforted by someone less cowardly than myself) could teach me such a powerful lesson.
Do you have a story of a time when you were reminded of just how much you need Jesus? Please edify our community and share it below!
